How to Get a Good Night’s Sleep: Helping Your Mind and Body Switch Off
A good night’s sleep can make a remarkable difference to how we feel, think, and cope with everyday life. Yet for many people, bedtime is when the mind seems to become busiest.
You may climb into bed feeling exhausted, only to find yourself thinking about tomorrow’s responsibilities, replaying something that happened during the day, or worrying about a problem that needs solving.
The harder you try to fall asleep, the more frustrating it can become.
One useful way of looking at sleep is to stop treating it as something we have to achieve and instead focus on creating the conditions that allow our mind and body to settle.
Why Stress Can Make It Difficult to Sleep
When we are stressed, anxious, or emotionally overwhelmed, our nervous system can remain in a state of alertness.
This is useful when we need to respond to a genuine threat, but it is not the state we want to remain in when we are trying to rest.
If your mind and body are still operating as though there is something that needs to be dealt with, switching off at bedtime can be difficult.
Rather than putting pressure on yourself to fall asleep immediately, try focusing on helping your body feel safe, settled, and ready for rest.
Don’t Wait Until Bedtime to Relax
One of the simplest changes you can make is to build moments of calm into your entire day rather than expecting your nervous system to go from busy and stressed to completely relaxed the moment your head touches the pillow.
Small pauses throughout the day can help.
You might:
- Spend a few minutes outside or in nature.
- Step away from your screen and take some quiet time.
- Practise slow, deliberate breathing.
- Notice something you are grateful for.
- Take a few moments to check in with how your body is feeling.
These small moments of calm can help prevent stress from accumulating throughout the day.
Use Your Breathing to Help Your Body Slow Down
Your breathing can be a useful tool when you are feeling tense.
Try taking a gentle breath in through your nose and then slowly breathing out through your mouth. Allow the exhale to be longer than the inhale, without forcing the breath.
The aim isn’t to “make yourself sleep”. Instead, use your breathing as a signal to your body that there is no immediate problem that needs your attention.
You can also try progressively relaxing your muscles. Starting with your feet, gently tense and then release different muscle groups as you gradually work upwards through your body.
Try a Body Scan
Sometimes we don’t realise how much tension we are holding until we deliberately pay attention to our bodies.
When lying in bed, slowly bring your attention from your head down towards your feet.
Notice areas where you may be holding tension—perhaps your jaw, shoulders, stomach, or hands.
Rather than trying to force the tension away, simply notice it and allow yourself to soften.
You might quietly remind yourself:
“I can let go for now.”
Stop Trying to Force Sleep
This can be one of the most difficult changes to make.
When you lie awake thinking, “I have to fall asleep now,” you may unintentionally create even more pressure and anxiety.
Instead, change the goal from “I need to sleep” to “I am going to rest.”
Resting quietly is still giving your body an opportunity to slow down and recover.
The less you fight the experience of being awake, the easier it may become for your body to naturally move towards sleep.
Give Your Worries Somewhere to Go
For many people, bedtime becomes a meeting place for every unresolved thought from the day.
If your mind is filled with things you need to remember, problems you need to solve, or conversations you keep replaying, try putting those thoughts onto paper before bed.
Write down:
- What is worrying you
- What needs your attention
- What you can realistically do about it tomorrow
You can even make a simple agreement with yourself:
“This problem doesn’t need to be solved tonight.”
Writing things down can help create some psychological distance between you and the problem.
Create a Mental “Container” for Tomorrow’s Problems
If your mind continues returning to your worries, imagine placing them into a container.
Picture putting each concern inside, closing the lid, and leaving it there until tomorrow.
This isn’t about pretending your problems don’t exist. It’s about reminding yourself that there is a more appropriate time to deal with them.
You can return to the problem when you are rested and better able to think clearly.
If worries frequently interfere with sleep, it may also help to set aside a short period earlier in the day specifically for thinking through your concerns and possible solutions.
Give Yourself a Safe Place to Focus On
Your imagination can also be used to create a sense of calm.
Picture a place where you feel safe and peaceful. It could be somewhere you’ve visited, a favourite room, a quiet beach, a garden, or somewhere completely imaginary.
Rather than simply picturing the location, engage your senses.
What can you see?
What can you hear?
What does the air feel like?
What can you smell?
Allowing your attention to move towards something calming can help take it away from repetitive worries.
Be Kind to Yourself When Anxiety Appears
Sometimes the more we try to get rid of anxious thoughts, the more attention we give them.
Instead of becoming frustrated with yourself for feeling anxious, try responding with compassion.
You might tell yourself:
“I can see that I’m worried. I don’t have to solve everything tonight. I am safe enough to rest.”
Think about how you would speak to a friend who was lying awake and worrying. Try offering yourself the same patience and kindness.
Find What Helps You Feel Grounded
Different people respond to different forms of relaxation.
For some, it may be meditation or breathing exercises. For others, it might be prayer, spirituality, music, reading, gentle stretching, or simply sitting quietly.
The important question isn’t necessarily “What is the perfect sleep technique?”
Instead, ask:
“What helps me feel calmer, safer, and less mentally busy?”
Finding your own combination of calming practices can make your evening routine more supportive.
Sleep Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect
It is normal to have an occasional poor night’s sleep.
Worrying excessively about one bad night can sometimes create a cycle in which anxiety about sleep makes the next night’s sleep even more difficult.
Try to be patient with yourself.
Rather than judging your sleep or watching the clock, focus on creating the conditions for rest and allowing your body to do what it naturally knows how to do.
When Sleep Problems Persist
Occasional difficulty sleeping is common. However, persistent sleep problems can affect mood, concentration, relationships, and overall wellbeing.
If you regularly struggle to sleep, wake feeling exhausted, or find that anxiety, stress, low mood, or racing thoughts are interfering with your rest, it may be worth talking to a mental health professional.
Sleep difficulties can sometimes be connected to underlying emotional challenges, and addressing those challenges may be an important part of improving your overall wellbeing.
Give Yourself Permission to Rest
Sleep isn’t something we can always force.
But we can create an environment—both physically and emotionally—that makes rest more possible.
Take small pauses during the day. Slow your breathing. Release physical tension. Write down tomorrow’s worries. Practise self-compassion. And, when you climb into bed, remind yourself that you don’t have to solve everything tonight.
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is simply give yourself permission to stop trying so hard.
Rest is not wasted time. It is part of taking care of yourself.
Need Support?
If stress, anxiety, persistent worry, or emotional difficulties are affecting your sleep and everyday wellbeing, counselling may help you understand what is keeping your mind and body on alert and develop healthier ways of coping.
Kevin & Elise Fourie Counselling Psychologists provide in-person counselling and psychological support.
📞 Tel: (012) 348-1342
📱 WhatsApp: 063 676 3422
📧 Email: admin@fourie-psych.com
🌐 Website: https://fourie-psych.com
