Gaslighting: What It Is and How to Protect Yourself
Gaslighting is a term that is often used loosely, but in reality, it refers to a serious form of emotional and psychological manipulation. When someone gaslights you, they cause you to question your own thoughts, memories, and sense of reality – often leaving you feeling confused, anxious, and unsure of yourself.
Understanding gaslighting is an important step toward recognising unhealthy relationship dynamics and protecting your emotional wellbeing.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person manipulates another into doubting their perceptions and experiences. It can happen in romantic relationships, families, friendships, workplaces, and even professional settings.
Over time, the goal of gaslighting is often control — by making you question your reality, the other person positions themselves as the “authority” on what is true.
Why Do People Gaslight?
Gaslighting is typically about power, control, or avoidance of responsibility. A person may use it to:
Shift blame away from themselves
Avoid accountability
Gain control in a relationship
Deflect uncomfortable emotions or situations
In some cases, individuals may not fully realise they are engaging in gaslighting behaviour — but the impact on the other person remains harmful.
Common Signs of Gaslighting
Gaslighting often develops gradually, making it difficult to identify at first. Some common signs include:
Denying things they previously said or did
Telling you that you are “too sensitive,” “overreacting,” or “confused”
Twisting facts or changing the narrative of events
Making you feel responsible for problems or conflicts
Dismissing your feelings or experiences
Over time, these behaviours can leave you feeling disoriented and unsure of your own judgement.
How Gaslighting Affects You
The emotional impact of gaslighting can be profound. You may begin to:
Doubt your memory or perception
Apologise for things you didn’t do
Feel anxious, confused, or emotionally overwhelmed
Lose confidence in your decisions
Become increasingly dependent on the other person’s version of reality
In more severe cases, individuals may begin to question their sanity or feel disconnected from themselves.
Where Gaslighting Can Occur
While gaslighting is often associated with romantic relationships, it can occur in many areas of life, including:
Family dynamics
Friendships
Workplace relationships
Healthcare settings (where concerns may be dismissed or minimised)
Recognising that gaslighting can happen in different contexts is key to identifying it early.
How to Respond to Gaslighting
If you suspect you are experiencing gaslighting, there are practical steps you can take to protect yourself:
1. Acknowledge What’s Happening
Recognising gaslighting is the first and most important step. Trust your instincts if something feels off.
2. Keep a Record
Document conversations, messages, or events. This can help you maintain clarity and confidence in your own experiences.
3. Set Boundaries
Clearly communicate what behaviour is not acceptable and what you need in the relationship.
4. Seek Perspective
Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or professional who can help you gain clarity.
5. Prioritise Your Wellbeing
Engage in activities that support emotional regulation, such as exercise, mindfulness, or relaxation techniques.
6. Consider Professional Support
A psychologist can help you process your experiences, rebuild confidence, and develop strategies to navigate or exit unhealthy relationships.
7. Know When to Step Away
If the behaviour continues and becomes harmful, it may be necessary to distance yourself from the relationship.
You Are Not “Overreacting”
One of the most damaging aspects of gaslighting is how it makes people question themselves. It is important to remember:
Your feelings are valid
Your experiences matter
You deserve to feel safe, respected, and heard
When to Seek Help
If you feel consistently confused, anxious, or uncertain in a relationship, it may be helpful to speak with a mental health professional. Gaslighting can erode self-esteem and emotional stability over time, but with the right support, it is possible to rebuild confidence and regain a sense of clarity.
Support Is Available
At Kevin & Elise Fourie Counselling Psychologists, we provide a safe, confidential space to explore relationship dynamics, emotional challenges, and experiences such as gaslighting. Our approach focuses on restoring clarity, strengthening self-trust, and supporting your overall well-being.
📞 Tel: (012) 348-1342
📱 WhatsApp: 063 676 3422
📧 Email: admin@fourie-psych.com
🌐 Website: www.fourie-psych.com
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